Dealing with “Adults These Days”

Introduction

We are about to send our children back in to school.  Some of them will go back to the public school system, which is a horrifying but perhaps only option for some of us.  Some of our children will go to some type of Christian private school which is a better though not always a financially available option. Others will begin being homeschooled which is the best though admittedly not always a viable option.

Others are sending their children to college, another scary notion as many have experience the fact of sending Christians young people to college only to have them return as atheists or embracing some other form of worldly philosophies.

This Sermon Series seeks to help us as adults understand what challenges children and youth are facing today in a effort to encourage greater empathy and equip us for greater discipleship of the next generation.

Each week we will look at a unique challenge that kids these days are facing not just as individuals but as Christians.  As children of Christian parents living is a post Christian society.  It is important to understand the struggles of our younger brothers and sisters so that we may be able to comfort them with the comfort that we, ourselves have received from God (2 Corinthians 1:4).

Today we will focus on parents and other adults that are in teens lives:  aunts and uncles, adult or older cousins, teachers and mentors, godparents and grandparents, foster parents and older adult siblings.  We can cause the kids in our lives to lose heart if we resort to fear-based leadership.  So we are starting with adult these days before we talk about kids these days.  2 Primary Scriptures as I believe them to be interconnected Lets read them. We will read them, then we will pray, I have three points to make concerning the principles of these scriptures and some concluding remarks.

Ephesians 4:1–4 (LSB)

1 Therefore I, the prisoner in the Lord, exhort you to walk worthy of the calling with which you have been called,

2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,

3 being diligent to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling;

Colossians 3:21 (LSB)

21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.

I. Understanding the Problem

Col 3:21 is a warning against provoking children to the extent of discouragement. We see a similar passage in..

Ephesians 6:4 (LSB)

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

In the verse immediately before the instruction to parents Paul tells children that they are to obey their parents in everything as something that is pleasing to God.

And the idea there is that the focus is not that of pleasing the parents but pleasing God.

But then Paul follows up this command to the vulnerable (children) with what should be seen as a command to limit the control of the powerful. while children are told to obey in vs 20… fathers are told in vs 21 not to exasperate the kids so that they do not lose heart. Children are to obey while fathers are not to abuse this obedience.

What does it mean to exasperate? The Greek word here is erethizō which means:

to provoke to anger

to irritate

to exasperate

to aggravate

to embitter

to make bitter

to cause to become resentful

to nag

to be hard on

to overcorrect

It is the use of fear-based tactics like harsh criticism, intimidation, and excessive punishment that will result in teens losing heart, creating a negative view of authority and, potentially a negative view of God.

Consider a young athlete whose coach only yells and criticizes, instead of improved performance, the athlete will become discouraged and lose passion for the sport.

This little word erethizō refers to giving unreasonable commands, to scorning children’s efforts, to belittle them, being excessively strict, it refers to the exercise of authority in an unkindly manner, to giving unmerited reproof, it refers to causing friction because of a lack of patience with them, etc.

I. Understanding the Problem: Parents can and often do exasperate their children.

II. The Impact of Exasperation

The Bible uses a term that describes what happens to people who are exasperated, irritated, bitter, resentful, provoked to anger.

The Greek word here is athymeō. Which is something, an end result no parent wants which is translated as lose heart, become discourage, become dispirited, or disheartened, without heart, the will is crushed and there is a sense of quitting, a sense of powerlessness and hopelessness.

To be sure, a kid can get there all on his own but we are not to be instrument by which they get there.

In the Scriptures we have many examples by which, for whatever reasons a child of God became discouraged and as the parent He is, God came to the rescue. We cannot cover the entire story.

But during the lifetime of Elijah, for all of the supernatural miracles this man had performed in the Name of his God, he found himself running for his life and became tired of it. He was ready to quit, discouraged, and wishing death upon himself.

1 Kings 19:4–5 (LSB)

4 But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a broom tree; and he asked for himself that he might die, and said, “It is enough; now, O Yahweh, take my life, for I am not better than my fathers.”

5 Then he lay down and slept under a broom tree; and behold, there was an angel touching him, and he said to him, “Arise, eat.”

What do most of us do during discouragement and depression? Sleep. But God intervened immediately.

The Lord even cooked for him, twice.

He gave him some instructions which Elijah was still required to follow, but also took time to listen to him…

1 Kings 19:9–11 (LSB)

9 Then he came there to a cave and lodged there; and behold, the word of Yahweh came to him, and He said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

10 And he said, “I have been very zealous for Yahweh, the God of hosts; for the sons of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, pulled down Your altars and killed Your prophets with the sword. And I alone am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.”

11 So He said, “Go forth and stand on the mountain before Yahweh…”

In other words, God says, “I’m coming”

When God finally stands before him He asks him again, “what are you doing here?” and Elijah complains about his horrible life again, and God listens.

power to stop rain; power to multiply oil in the midst of a famine; power to resurrect the dead; power to make it rain; power to bring down fire from heaven; power to split the Jordan.

He does not let Elijah off the hook… he has to go anoint a king, he has prophet stuff to do, but he also tells him to start training his replacement (Elisha) which gives the prophet hope.

God does not contribute to the prophet’s exasperation, on the contrary He positions himself to give him hope.

We may not always be able to give our kids all of the answers but we can position ourselves to be a source of encouragement, whether or not they take it. Our posture is important.

I. Understanding the Problem: Parents can and often do exasperate their children.

II. The Impact of Exasperation: Utter discouragement and hopelessness.

III. Embracing Ephesians 4:1-4

As we read this passage, we see in it how the Scripture calls for us to live in a way that is worthy of our calling, which is characterized by humility, gentleness, patience, and love.

It is amazing how as Christians we want to exemplify these traits in the church and in the community but not with our children.

Where is our humility and gentleness when dealing with our children?

And we cannot only exemplify these qualities when they are good and respectful children. We need to follow Jesus’ example

Philippians 2:6–8 (LSB)

6 who, although existing in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,

7 but emptied Himself, by taking the form of a slave, by being made in the likeness of men.

8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

In other words, the respect he deserved as God and should have received as God, he did not receive it and He was not made indignant because of it. Why? He has bigger fish to fry.

Many of witnessed in share horror how the very symbol of our salvation in Christ was mocked for the world to see.

Both in Mat 12:24 and in Luke 11:15 the pharisees called His majesty a demon. They blasphemed by equating the Most Holy Creator of all things with the filthiest and vilest of creatures.

Jesus did not get all indignant because of their disrespect. He did however take the time to explain why their thinking was in error.

Did they understand? No. Did he know they would not understand or accept His teaching? Yes. Did that stop Him from offering it anyway? Of course not.

In the parable of the prodigal son we see entitlement, disrespect, ill-regard to the highest degree… That kid said to his father give me my share of the estate….

But the father had bigger fish to fry. As parents we cannot dwell so heavily on our own sense of self-importance.

I am not saying do nothing about the disrespect and the entitlement but our posture must be that of understanding that this kids current attitude will get him hurt or killed in the world… our left out of the kingdom of God.

As parents we must do our best to foster unity through gentleness and humility.

This can be better accomplished by understanding that although humanity’s sin problem is the same, the world of information is not the same…

listening, asking questions, and gently guiding will go along way

I. Understanding the Problem: Parents can and often do exasperate their children.

II. The Impact of Exasperation: Utter discouragement and hopelessness.

III. Embracing Ephesians 4:1-4: Leading with gentleness patience and Love.

Closing

You may say, you do not know my kid. I am not getting anywhere with him or her. I have been gentle, I have calmly explained over and over to no avail. This kid only learns through consequences and most of the time, he does not learn even then.

The problem is that we are confusing the goal with the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal is not that the child does not depart from our training, but that we have been faithful in the training. After that, it is between them and God. Let’s see the master Parent at work and see how what we would have called failure, God does not.

Able was a good kid, Cain not so much. So when offering time came God was pleased with one kid and not with the other.

Genesis 4:4–5 (LSB)

4 Abel, on his part, also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And Yahweh had regard for Abel and for his offering;

5 but for Cain and for his offering He had no regard. So Cain became very angry, and his countenance fell.

God is not pretending to like Cain’s attitude and obviously shows his displeasure. Cain’s does not like God’s reactions and gets angry. God is interested… God already knows the answers to the question he is going to asks and asks anyway.

Cain is angry all by himself, God did not contribute to it. He did not nag, He did not fuss, He did not yell, He did not disown, but showing displeasure was part of the discipline in order to correct future behavior.

Genesis 4:6 (LSB)

6 Then Yahweh said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen?

There is legitimate concern for how this kid feels. And God begins to provide explanations that Cain will not accept, but he provides it anyway

Genesis 4:7–8 (LSB)

7 “If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is lying at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”

8 Then Cain spoke to Abel his brother; and it happened when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother and killed him.

Listen to your children no matter how idiotic and remember the compassion and the patience God has exercised concerning you.

You know you have suffered a great deal of consequences for wanting and pursuing your own way.

God did not fail to administer discipline